Sharing (y)our lifestyle choices

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. ”
― Erma Bombeck


Journal prompt from the Submissive Guide:
What advice would you give to someone preparing to tell a family member of friend about their lifestyle choices?

I saw this prompt the day after the Virgin meeting, the first Dutch meeting for Erotic Meet Creative Arts and it immediately made me think of the conversation we had the evening before. The people there knew about the nature of the relationship between my Husband and me. We also spoke about our family situations. One of the men asked me whether we have told our kids about our D/s relationship. I answered that we did not and would not either. Of course the question came: but why not?

I explained that I do not just want to ‘dump’ the information on my kids. It is common knowledge that kids normally do not want to know that their parents are still having sex, so just going ahead and telling them about our kinky lifestyle might just be far too much for them to handle. But… if they come to us and ask us questions, we will answer the questions in all honesty. But then… ONLY the questions. We will not volunteer any information, but rather wait for another question. That way the kid asking the questions will be the one who determines just how much he or she wants to know.

I think one of the most difficult things is telling someone very close to you about your kinky lifestyle. Or rather, I find it difficult. I think that even IF my kids get to the point where they ask questions, it will be difficult to tell them. But I will, because I just don’t want to lie to them. If my mom asks questions, it might be a bit easier to tell her. This is only because of some things I know about her, and she knows that I know.

Telling friends is easier. More or less…

Not so long ago the security guard and his girlfriend visited us. We started a conversation in the pub, but since other people seemed to be listening too, we decided to continue the conversation at home. We shared some of the nature of our relationship with them. Since we have confided in the security guard some time ago, he wanted to know more. This was the first time we had the opportunity to talk again. They had questions and they told us about their relationship and they way they would like it to develop. It seems that they want dominance and submission to be part of their relationship too, but they have little knowledge about the lifestyle.

We told them about the night when our D/s relationship became a fact. Master T ordered me to show them my tattoo, which still is a symbol of my Love, Submission and Commitment. I looked at Him, not sure whether He really wanted me to do it. I was wearing leggings with a long top over it and it would have meant that I had to pull my leggings down on one side to show them. Master T was serious. He wanted me to show them. I hesitated for one more second and then pulled my leggings down to show them. They instantly realized that the symbol in the tattoo has a meaning. The security guard said that it looked like a yin-yang symbol, but somehow different. When I told them that it is the symbol for BDSM, they wanted to know if it’s our symbol for BDSM or if other people practicing BDSM uses this symbol too. We assured them that this is the symbol for the BDSM community. It was clear that they knew almost nothing about the lifestyle.

Somewhat later in the conversation we spoke about the rules that we have in our relationship. My nipple charms were mentioned. The conversation went on, but Master T pulled it back to the nipple charms, asking the security guard and his girlfriend whether they knew what it was. I must admit, I did not see it coming. They did not know what it was. Master T ordered me to show them. I looked at Him. It was clear that this was an order, not a request.
“Show them,” He said.
I sat on the edge of the couch, looked at both of our visitors and tried to see from their faces whether they would be shocked if I just exposed my breast.
“I’m waiting,” Master T said and I immediately moved. After a deep breath, I pulled my shirt up, pushed my bra down and exposed my left breast.

They both leaned closer, not shocked at all but very interested in the charm around my nipple. They wanted to know how it stays on. I pulled the charm off and gave it to them to see and feel it. When they gave it back, I showed them how I put it on. The man and woman were not only intrigued by the charm, but also by the fact that I obeyed Master T. He explained that I would also obey if He told me to get naked. But He did not give the order and to be honest, I was relieved.

Telling the security guard and his girlfriend more about our relationship was quite easy. Following Master T’s orders was a bit awkward and it was only the next morning that I felt proud that I did indeed follow His orders. I would like to tell this man and woman a lot more and maybe eventually show them my website, but for now Master T has just sent them links so they can read more about the BDSM lifestyle. I still feel a bit awkward about them reading my blog. I want them to know more about the lifestyle before they see my blog. More conversations will follow and I will know when and if the time is right to give them the link to my writings.

It’s very nice to have people to share things about our relationship, but I understand now that it is much better to wait until people either express their interest in dominance and/or submission, or when people ask specific questions. This is better than to just shower people with information they might not want to hear.

If anyone has another opinion or another way they handle this, I would love to hear about it…

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #Christmas, which is a time of sharing.
Click the button to see who else is playing or to link your own post.

Wicked Wednesday

10 thoughts on “Sharing (y)our lifestyle choices

  1. It is a very thoughtful question. I have a few friends who know. Some who are just aware, but others who know much more of the details. I am lucky to have one of my best friends who was in a D/s relationship for many years, knows a lot of the community in our area, and she has shared a lot with me. One of my male friends said just the other day that I scare him now that he’s found out I am “so sexual and kinky”. I found it funny because I have known him nearly 25 years. He still reads my blog and my tweets though, so I can not scare him too much.

    • There are some people whom I wish I could tell about my kinky nature, but I know they will not be able to handle it. I have hinted at it with one of them and she literally pulled her nose up and said she did not want to know more. Each time I try to talk to someone and I get reactions like that, I notice that I get more careful when I think about telling someone else.

  2. Nearly all our friends know about our lifestyle and most of our families too however there has been some friction between some of my family about it. The children don’t know but I my son is reaching an age where he is starting to understand more and has recently said a few things that have made us realise that we will need to explain some things to him. Questions are not his style so it will involve me broaching the subject in an age appropriate way

    Mollyxxx

    • I think you are very brave for having told everyone. There are some days when I would love to do that, but something is definitely holding me back. And I think you are very brave for wanting to tell your son. Would love to hear how you did that, what words you chose, etc. It might help me to know how to handle it if ever the children come with questions.

      Rebel xox

  3. My mom knows I am submissive and I prefer him in control, I can tell her anything and nothing would shock her. My Grama evens knows a little bit. But I come from kinky DNA. I know I am lucky for that. I’ve tried to tell a couple of friends, went right over their head.

    I enjoyed reading this. I think the secruity guard and his girlfriend are very lucky they have you and Master T to talk to and explain things. I know if I had no idea what BDSM was, you would be the perfect person to go to!

    • I think I would be able to tell my mom and she would accept it, but I am the one holding back. Because I am not sure that she wants to know. I have hinted at the fact that MasterT and I do not have an ‘ordinary’ relationship, but she has not asked me anything. So I wait. She has done kinky stuff in her life too, but I do not know the details of that either. And my grandma was kinky in her way too. Still, I don’t just want to volunteer any information.

      We will wait and see when the security guard and his girlfriend are ready for more information. They know how to reach us for questions 😉

      Rebel xox

  4. None of my friends or relatives know, and I never plan to tell them as I feel it is no one’s business. I have a few people I chat with on fet, and I am happy to answer their questions as I believe we already have a common basis of interest. I agree with not showering people with more than they need to know.

    ~Kazi xxx

    • I guess I will just take it one day at a time and see if relatives ask questions or not. I don’t think they ever will, maybe because they do not ‘suspect’ or maybe they just don’t want to know. As for people online – I mainly talk to people on Twitter about it and here on my blog, through comments 🙂

      Rebel xox

  5. Great post. I’m sure a lot of people are very curious. Must say, the most I know is written in this post about obeying and the symbol.
    I think the hardest part to understand is that it’s a way of life, rather than just something you do for fun. x

    • Indeed, you are so right. People tend to think one only do this for fun, where we have chosen to make this our lifestyle. That is something that is mostly not understood. I think that there are some people around us who pick up on some signs, but they never dare to ask any questions about it. Pity, actually, as I would certainly answer their questions honestly. xox

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