They are reading the book!

This post is a continuance of the Kink Shame & Pride that started with a post of Emily at I Like Chocolate, He Likes Vanilla. Feel free to join in with your own thoughts, even as a post on your own blog or commenting on this or other ‘Kink Shame’ posts.


 

The above tweets were placed over the course of a day that we all spent together as a family. A day on which unavoidably the book of Fifty Shades was discussed several times.

I asked: What would you do if one of your girlfriends tell you she is in a relationship like this with her boyfriend/husband?
She answered, giggling: She will become my best friend!

You would have thought that it would have been the perfect opportunity to come clean. To just tell about our D/s relationship.

So why didn’t I?

Because there were more people than only her in the room? Yes.
Because I was afraid of her reaction? Yes.
Because I was afraid of the reaction of my other family members? Yes, for sure.
Even though one of those family members and I were in agreement that we should not judge others for the way they live their lives? Yes, even then.

Am I ashamed of our D/s relationship? No, definitely not.

In fact, I am very proud of the relationship I am in. I’ve had my share of bad and failed relationships. Master T. is the man who tamed me, without making me feel restricted. He is the one who has set me free. He is the one who allowed me to be myself and allowed me to get to know myself. He taught me to accept myself for who I am, including my kinks. He is the one who had me on my knees long before I realized it.

So why did I not tell her about our D/s relationship?

I guess because I did not want to shock her. Because somehow I think she might accept it about a friend of hers, but not about her mom. Kids don’t want to know these kind of things about their parents, right? Heck, my mom was in the room too and she hinted at having had a very kinky sex life, and I silenced her because I did not want to know it. I think I am hesitating to tell about my own kinky life because I don’t think it will be accepted. I think it is easier to accept it about your friends than to accept it about someone as close to you as a parent or a kid.

And why is that?

I have no idea. Maybe it depends on the way we grew up? My upbringing was very conservative. Sex was something that was not spoken about. Sexual desires… well they did not exist if you did not talk about it, right? But I knew my mother and father had sex. And I knew that my mom was kinky in her way. And it did not gross me out. Not back then and if I am really honest, not now either. I just don’t want to HEAR about it, but it does not gross me out to know it. I found naked photos of my mom when I was a child. That did not gross me out, but awakened quite an interest in me. And it deepened the interest I already had for sex.

So maybe I am not talking to relatives about my kinky side because I would not be able to handle it if I know they are grossed out by it? I don’t want them to be grossed out by me? Or my thinking? I don’t want them to disrespect me? Will they disrespect me if I tell them? Will I ever tell them? Will I ever come clean?

I just don’t know…

© Rebel’s Notes