Good Girl Rebel

I’m a rebel. I’ve been calling myself Rebel for as long as I can remember. But I have not always been a rebel, or I should say, I have not always acted as a rebel even though I might have been one at heart. There was a time when I was a sweet, innocent, obedient child, doing everything her parents wanted. Serious, I was that girl. But then roundabout the age of 16 someone – who should have been a protector – took away all solid ground I had.

My life was a roller coaster for so many years. I went from the obedient girl to the rebel and back to the obedient girl again. I had relationships that failed and I had periods where I was single. I had one night stands. I had lonely times. There were laughter and there were tears. I felt ashamed at times and other times I was deeply proud. Sometimes I felt I had to explain to everyone the reasons for being the way I was and then there were periods where I could not give a fuck what people thought of me.

One night, by accident, I started chatting with a wonderful man. I fell in love. I could not be without him anymore. We met two months after we started chatting. He was in love with me too. But he did not want to commit. He wanted me to learn to stand on my own two feet. We continued to chat. About everything. I told him everything I did, even when I was with another man. That’s what he wanted. Sometimes I went without any contact with him for weeks, but we always returned to each other. There was a pull neither of us could deny. I lived life as a rebel, but I was also the obedient girl, telling him what he wanted to know. A year and a half after we started chatting, we at last were a couple and today we still are.

 

 

Looking back on our life together and our journey as it is now, I realize that I have found someone to run wild with me: my Master T. He does not want to tame me and make me someone different from who I am. No, He is running wild with me, but He is dictating the rules of our journey. He holds my hand at all times, whether I am feeling strong or weak. He has accepted me as a rebel, but He has taught me to be His good girl. He expects me to be obedient, but He also allows my rebellious nature to come out and play until He decides that it has been enough.

I love how in our relationship I follow His rules, but can still be myself, rebellious or just simply a good girl. From the very beginning He understood that I needed Him to be the leader. I am a strong woman, but I need to have Him to lead me. He knows exactly how to handle me, no matter if He has the grown woman, the good girl or the rebel in front of Him. Knowing that He loves me, accepts me, protects me, looks after me, is my friend, my soul mate, my lover, my everything… it makes me feel safe, safer than I have ever felt in my life.

Yes, we are holding hands and we are running wild together, but if you look closely, you will see that I am happily following His loving lead.

I am one very happy (and lucky) woman!

© Rebel’s Notes

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