Back in the days when we started our D/s relationship, I had no specific way of referring to my Husband. Or rather, I referred to Him as “my Husband” or “my Hubby”. In the first months of our special relationships, that did not change. There were times when He and I had conversations about what I should call Him during a play session. Each time He said that I should give Him some time to think about it.
As time progressed, I started to speak about Him as “Master T.” This was a totally natural consequence of some frequent joking between Master T. and me on a level that is not directly related to our D/s relationship. Whenever Master T. has cooked dinner and it was really yummy, He calls Himself the master cook. Whenever He has done something else that He is quite happy with, He calls Himself the Master of that specific thing. It just happened that one day I started referring to Him as Master T. Somehow it just fitted!
It has happened a couple of times now that people misunderstood my D/s relationship to be a M/s relationship, because I talk about my Husband as Master T. I refer to myself as a submissive, not a slave. I do not consider myself to be a slave at all. The last time that it happened that someone referred to my relationship with Master T. as a M/s relationship, I decided to do some research on this topic. I wanted to know whether I should stop referring to my Husband as Master T. and whether I should start referring to Him as Sir or Sir T. I have to say that we have discussed me calling Him Sir, but both of us felt that the word ‘Sir’ did not cover it for us.
In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual (the submissive) gives to another (the dominant) ultimate authority over them. It is a form of dominance and submission or total power exchange. The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship is structured in terms of slavery, because of the association of the term with ownership of the slave and the rights of a master to their body, as property or chattel. The dominant is often called Master if male, or Mistress if female.
I also read the piece on Dominance and submission on Wikipedia, but in there nothing was said about what you should call your Dominant. Further searching brought me to the following:
Within a private D/s relationship, your Partner will decide on the proper way to address him. It is a private decision between consenting adults. Some take a more relaxed method. Others feel maintaining a rigid structure and protocol keeps the submissive centered.
I guess this means that even though I speak of my Husband as Master T., it does not automatically indicate that I am in a M/s relationship. One thing though – I do not call Him Master or Sir during play. When I write about Him I talk about Master T. and when I write about addressing Him during a session, I call Him Sir. Confusing, right?
So, what do I call Him during play? Uh… the same as I would call Him otherwise. By His name or I call Him ‘luv’ or ‘honey’ or whatever else comes to mind at that moment. This might mean that we still have to work on this. I cannot help to wonder whether I would feel His dominance more if He makes me call Him Master during a session too.
I would love to hear all your thoughts on this!
© Rebel’s Notes