30 Days of Submission: Day 15

Continued from… Day 14

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I think that all kinds of relationships evolve with time, and that when you make the commitment to submit in a special relationship such as ours, it will evolve over time too.

When we started out we had long conversations about what we would like and what not. What the rules would be for me to follow, what He would expect of me and what my limits were. Some of the things we spoken about excited me, but since I had never experienced it, I could not tell what my boundaries would be. With other things I said that I did not want to do it, because the idea did not appeal to me at all.

We slowly embarked on our journey, learning as we went along. As we tried different things, we learned what worked for us in our situation, and what not. I discovered that some of the things I said I would never do were very exciting and really worked for me. In other things I reached my limit much quicker than I thought I would. I realized that I would just have to experience everything before I can say yes or no to it. More or less like eating veggies: you cannot say that you don’t like it if you have never tasted it!

I noticed that I craved the structure that my submission to my Husband gave me. I needed it. I still do. I want the structure every day, to live by His rules, to do what He expects me to do. Some days my craving is so bad that I am impatient and can even be grumpy. I think this is part of our relationship evolving. I need to find the patience within to submit myself to the pace He sets for our relationship. He knows what I need and He gives it to me. He also knows – and yes, I know this too but many times prefer not to think about it – that our current family situation confines our D/s relationship to the bedroom. And as anyone would know, in a family with two working parents, there are those nights when you are tired and go to sleep immediately when you go to bed. Which means that there are days that our D/s relationship seems to be ‘non-existent’. It never is, because when I nestle in His arms, my head on His shoulder and slowly drift off to sleep, I feel that I belong there, I feel ‘small’ and protected and loved and… yes, I feel my submission.

I am impatient, yes. I want more. I crave more. I sometimes need more than only falling asleep in His arms. In the future, as our family situation slowly changes, I think our relationship will evolve more. I might get more patient and be able to still the craving in me. We might be able to have elements of our D/s relationship outside of the bedroom. This relationship of ours is still relatively young and it will be interesting to see where the future takes us.

To be continued… Day 16

© Rebel’s Notes