24/7 or not?

Copied from Wikipedia ():

A subset of long-term BDSM relationships are relationships in which everyday life is clearly framed by the concept of BDSM even outside of sexual activities. The partners involved maintain in their daily life an appropriate balance of power and accordingly make aspects of BDSM a consistent part of their lifestyle. Here, BDSM cannot be designated a merely sexual phenomenon. The term “24/7 relationship” is derived from 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Another term for such behavior is “D/s”, derived from “Dominant/submissive”. The dominant partner controls most aspects of the submissive’s life. Particular areas of life such as work, family, or friends can be excluded from the D/s relationship and not be placed under control of the dominant partner. Some D/s relationships, however, cover all areas of life; such constellations are designated as a “Total Power Exchange” (TPE). In D/s, and especially in TPE relationships, changes in the balance of power (so-called “Switching”) only rarely take place. TPE relationships probably represent the least common role behavior within the BDSM spectrum.

Some time ago I read a profile on Fetlife in which was stated that the sub was in a 24/7 D/s relationship with her husband. She went on to tell more about their circumstances and reading through it, I realized that there were a lot of similarities with our marriage. Married, kids, work, family life… and yet she called it a 24/7 D/s relationship.

Something in the piece of text had me questioning my D/s relationship with my Husband. We have always said that for us there is no way in which we could have a 24/7 D/s relationship. Not with kids around and with both of us working fulltime. However, while we talked, we realized that we do have a 24/7 D/s mindset.

In my mind I am always submitting to Him. I am His property – always. I follow His rules. I wear my charms every day, reminding me of my position. And of course, I carry my tattoo with me every day. Even when He is not in the same room as I am, I am seeking His approval. Even when I am not wearing His collar, I am wearing it. To us our D/s relationship is 24/7… that is our mindset.

The next day, after this conversation of ours, I wanted to read more about this, which had me searching and finding some articles on the world wide web, as those mentioned above and below. This just confirmed what my Husband and I had discussed the night before: we indeed have a 24/7 D/s relationship. What we certainly would not be able to do in our circumstances and what does not appeal to us at all, is to have a TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship.

Of course, after this ‘discovery’ I started wondering about those around me (on internet) who are also involved in D/s relationships or have been involved. How do you see your relationship? What does 24/7 mean to you? If you are not in a 24/7 relationship, would you like to be in one? Why? If you are/were in a 24/7 relationship, are/were you happy with it or do/did you want more? Or less?

Please keep in mind that we are all unique. No two relationships are the same. We all make our own choices, have our own desires and we are not here to judge one another. I just think it’s interesting to hear the different opinions or to read about the ways in which others express their submission.

Other views/articles can be found here:
* Submissive Guide
* Starmaster
* Seekers
* D/s Living and Learning
* Sex Geek

© Rebel’s Notes

6 thoughts on “24/7 or not?

  1. “No two relationships are the same” ain’t that the truth…. however I think you and I are very close in how our d/s relationship works. We live a 24/7 D/s relationship… that doesn’t mean I am always shackled or naked but it does mean that it is always part of our life together. I have 2 children who live with me but that doesn’t change anything. For us having a D/s relationship is not just about the sex, we both know what is going on but that does not mean that they do. It is very subtle at times but it is always there…. it is always part of who are together.

    Mollyxxx

    • I totally agree that you and I have the same kind of D/s relationship. It’s always part of who we are, but does not mean we are being flogged or clamped or roped 24/7. Like you say, it’s very subtle at times, but it’s always there. Very true for us too.
      Thanks for your very thoughtful comment hun!

      Rebel xox

  2. KaziGrrl says:

    Honestly, I had always thought you two were in a 24/7 D/s relationship.

    It is not possible for me to be in one, given my circumstances, but I would gladly be in that dynamic given the opportunity. Like you, I would stop short of TPE. Real life would definitely get in the way of that and possibly make me resent the whole dynamic altogether. Also, I do enjoy “switching it up” (with Rider) and couldn’t imagine not having that option.

    ~Kazi xxx

    • I think my new definition of 24/7 means that we indeed do have a 24/7 relationship. I just never thought of it like that before, since we do not ‘play’ all the time. But I did realize that our mindset definitely is 24/7. TPE would make me totally unhappy too. The way it is now is good and exciting and comforting and save 😀

      Rebel xox

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