To tell or not to tell

Some time ago I had a conversation with an acquaintance. It started out by talking about how people should stop judging others and just respect them for their choices in live. We spoke about how people like to talk about others, especially if those others do not live their lives according to the generally accepted rules of society.

I was surprised when this acquaintance started talking about relationships and what she said made me think that she wanted to tell me something. She laughed a lot, as if she was nervous, and said that if people have a different kind of relationship from what society dictates as normal, they are judged. This of course hit home for me, but I was careful not to just go ahead and tell her about the kind of relationship that my Husband and I have. I did not know whether she was on a fishing expedition and neither did I want her to stop talking. I was interested to hear what she had to say.

She added that she lives her life the way she wants and that she was pass the point where she cared about what others thought about her. I waited for more, but unfortunately, there was no more. Her remarks – which more or less came out of the blue – made me think she might be in a kinky relationship.

I don’t know why, but suddenly I had to think about Fifty Shades. I mentioned the book and that there is quite a lot of talk going around about it. She wanted to know what it was about and I told her – in headlines. I was a bit disappointed when she did not take the bait. I more or less expected her to suddenly confess that she was in a kinky relationship, but she did not. On the other hand, neither did I!

This conversation stayed in my head for weeks. What would you do, when you get in a conversation with someone who seems to be ready to tell you something confidential about themselves? Will you share something confidential first and see whether they do too? Will you ask probing questions, to see whether you can get more information from them and actually coach them into telling you? If they do confide in you, will you go ahead and confide in them too? Or does it depend on who the person is? If it is a colleague, will you want to share confident information? If it is someone you see once a week at the gym, will you want to confide in them?

I am quite intrigued by this. My best friend knows everything about me. I tell her absolutely everything and she loves to hear about it. She’s not in a kinky relationship, but my stories excite her a lot. At my work there is one colleague whom I’ve been working with for many years. She also knows a lot about my life, but I will never tell her about my kinky relationship. I know she will not judge; she’s just not that kind of person. Still there is just something that stops me from sharing with her anything about my relationship with my Husband. Oh, I joke about whips and spankings and ‘not being allowed’ but everyone always laughs about it. No one at work takes me serious when I say things like that!

Will I ever tell anyone other than my best friend about my D/s relationship with my Husband? I don’t think so, but never say never, right? Will I tell my family? Certainly not! How about if my family accidentally finds out about our D/s relationship? Of course I have thought about this. One can never know how you will react towards something until you are in the situation. That said, I think that if a family member confronts me with (for example) my blog, I will tell them that it’s my life, which I choose to live my own way. I respect them for their choices and I expect them to respect me for mine. I am doing no one harm, but happy with my life the way I live it.

And that brings me back to the beginning of this post: just respect others for who they are, for their choices, for their beliefs. If you want others to respect you and your choices, you have to do the same towards them, right?

Honestly, there are only two people in my life I trust fully. Two people who know absolutely everything about me. Two people who love and accept me for who I am. Two people I respect immensely for who they are and who I love deeply. Those two people are my Husband and my best friend, who frequently feature in my fantasies about being with a woman. She knows this, but both of us know that we will never be together in a sexual manner. There’s always room for more people to trust, but I guess trust has to be gained by getting to know each other, being there for each other and knowing that there is no judging. I know for sure that I would love a lady friend whom I can tell absolutely everything that I tell my best friend AND whom I can have sex with. That… yes that is something I would really like!

There a lot of questions in this post. I would love to hear how you would handle this. Or maybe you have already been in a situation where you told a family member or colleague about your kinky lifestyle? Or maybe someone confided in you? Someone you have not expected to be in a kinky relationship?

I look forward to read your comments…

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was:
to take someone into one’s confidence
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