Following my post Mindset, there was another blog post that totally struck a chord with me when I read it. This time it was a post of @kissinbluekaren called Why I sub. She starts out the post saying:
What I really need is a good spanking.
This instantly peaked my interest. I could almost feel the flogger touching my ass.
Oh how I want a good spanking.
How I need one!
I quote from her post:
I need the white sharp pain right now. The bliss of space exploding over me as I get my punishment. This is what I really need. I feel I cannot truly relax until I get it. The pain allows me to refocus my energy. Being bound and helpless is a concrete thing I need to draw me back to center. I have never been so sure about something in my life. I need it. I need to be controlled and smacked. I need the pain. I need the pain from someone who dominates me in love and life. I need something I cannot get right now. I am aching for it.
In the post Mindset I said that I sometimes have difficulty to put things into words. Mostly this has to do with the spoken word. I can put my thoughts on paper and be very clear on how I feel and what I need. But even this is something I cannot always do. Sometimes I know that I am missing something but then I just don’t know what I long for. Yes, I miss the total mindset that I submit to Master T. But the words above had me thinking. There is more I need. More that I crave. I need to focus. I am out of touch with myself and I need to be brought back into touch with myself. Many times during the weeks that I was at home, not able to work, I wondered whether a spanking would help me focus again. Each and every time I have rejected the thought as stupid. The words above and below had me realize that my thoughts were not stupid at all.
The real truth about submission is that it allows me the freedom to choose to loose control. I need that. Now that I know how good it can be for me, I crave it.
Funny how I have the feeling that I have lost control, but that I am at the same time craving the feeling to lose control. I feel out of touch with my submission and deep down I think pain will make me focus. I also know that I am going to hate the pain at the moment that I feel it, but that I will feel liberated after it. And I think it is because of what Karen said in this last quoted paragraph too… submission gives you the freedom to choose to loose control.
I want to hand all the control to Master T.
I want to loose control.
I want to be able to clear my mind, to focus on the pain and to feel focussed once the pain is gone.
I need Him to take control.
© Rebel’s Notes