I re-read my post ‘Horny Anticipation‘ and realized that it might have left some people with a wrong impression. You see, towards the end of that post I mentioned that Master T. will make meeting this sexy woman a task if I drag my feet to do so voluntarily. This might sound as if I am not totally into this oncoming bisexual adventure, but I can assure you, that is not the case!
From many of my fantasy posts on my blog, I think it is clear that I definitely want to be with a woman. Again. Many, many years ago, in a total different life (that’s how it feels), I was in a relationship with a married couple and I had a lot of sexual interactions with the wife. I have gained quite some experience there and there were even other bi-sexual women I had sex with in that same time frame. However, that was an abusive relationship – physically and mentally – and I even had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks after I literally fled from them. This was 20 years ago. As I said, in a different life.
It took some years before I trusted a woman again and with whom I had some brief sexual encounters, which ended after we had a threesome. She seemed to have lost interest in any sex with me when she met a new guy. This was almost ten years ago.
And that was my last sexual encounter with a woman.
In the last months we have more or less actively been looking for a woman or couple with whom we could get together for some fun. For several reasons it took quite some time before we found someone. When the discussions started about when and where to get together, my nervousness started building. And once the appointment for the meeting had been made, I thought I would die of nerves. Seriously, I giggled like a sixteen year… went totally quiet, caught up in my own thoughts… and next I wanted to endlessly talk about it.
You see, I am nervous. Excited. Unsure. Happy. Afraid. Curious.
What if I make a total fool of myself? What if I don’t know how to make love to a woman anymore? I have been dreaming about it for so long. Wanted this for so very long. I have written countless fantasies about it. Even dreamed about it. But what if, at the very moment that I am with this woman, I totally fail?
What if she does not like me when she sees me naked? Now indeed, this is a silly question, because she has seen me naked! Not in real life, but damn, there’s enough to see on this blog, right? It’s just that sometimes I have so many doubts about my body and being nervous and afraid to make a fool of myself… well, that fuels all kinds of doubts about myself.
I know Master T. has said that I should see it as a task, that I just have to do it. But I also know that He has only said this because He knows how much I want to be with a woman again and He knows I like this woman. It’s His way of assuring me that all will be good and that I don’t have to doubt myself.
I want to feel her hands on me and I want to feel the soft curves of a woman under my hands. I want to softly lick her and want to be licked by her. I want to make love to a woman and I want her to make love to me. I know that the moment I am with this woman, things will be okay. We are both equally ‘inexperienced’ and we will discover each other together. We will both lead the way and we will both follow.
I don’t see this as a task at all. I look upon it as a date. A wild, exciting, hot date. I know I will enjoy it. And I know once it’s over, I will want it again… and again. Until the moment of the meeting I will be thrown between all these different emotions in me. Fear. Excitement. Doubt. Happiness.
Anticipation is almost killing me. I should stop thinking and just ride this wave of delicious horniness… the wave of horny anticipation and anticipated horniness. I just have to put my self-doubt to rest. To tell myself that there is nothing to be afraid of. That all will be good and that I should enjoy my first bisexual encounter of many years.
And I know I will enjoy!
© Rebel’s Notes
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