30 Days of Submission: Day 5

Continued from… Day 4

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

The D/s relationship I am in is the first I have ever been in.

That said, I need to backtrack a bit…

Many, many years ago (yes, I am that old :P) I was in a relationship with a couple. One night when I was staying over, he abused his wife. Like really abused her. No spanking, no kinky punishment… no, he abused her. Kicked her. Hit her. The next day she had bruises all over her legs and hips. I was appalled when I saw it, but what shocked me even more was the fact that she was totally okay with it. In my eyes she was the typical abused wife… making excuses for him, saying he did not really mean it or saying she provoked it and that she deserved the abuse.

I stayed in the relationship for some months after that and I allowed him to order me around the same way he did with his wife. Looking back on it now I know that I have never given him my consent to dominate me the way he did. Or maybe I did. Maybe the consent was the fact that I kept on sleeping with them. And yes, looking back on it now I wonder whether his wife has ever consented to be dominated in that way. I think staying with him even though he abused her, is a kind of consent in its own. And then, when I re-think all this, I know – yes I KNOW – that he was just as abusive bastard, having no respect at all for any woman in his life.

That was the only other relationship that I have ever been in where dominance played a role. The difference between the relationship of some 20 years ago and my current relationship, can be summed up in one word: consent.

Back then I allowed that man to dominate me, because I feared that I might end up with bruises the same way his wife did. Now I allow Master T. to dominate me and I hope I end up with bruises. Back then I allowed that man to give me orders, because I was too afraid not to obey. Now I want Master T. to give me orders so I can make Him proud of me. Back then I had no choice, I was forced into submitting to that man. With Master T. I made a commitment and chose to submit to Him.

One question above is what I think is unique about my relationships. To me unique means ‘one of a kind’, so my answer: everything and nothing. We are all individuals and when you put two individuals together in a relationship, they have a unique relationship. They have their unique ways of acting together, communicating, playing, living together. But elements in their unique relationship can be found in the relationships of others too. Therefore, everything and nothing is unique. The same with the relationships I was in. In each of them there must have been something unique, but to me the most unique of them all is the one I am in with Master T. I am His wife, His sub, His princess, His slut, His best friend, His whore, His soulmate, His fucktoy. I know there are many couples out there who have the same kind of relationship, so I cannot say that mine is unique.

But to me it is…

With Master T. I have found the place where I belong.

To be continued… Day 6

ยฉ Rebel’s Notes