Comments on: Vanilla thoughts

By: Rebel

Rebel — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:03:35 +0000

I cannot agree with you more: we are all unique individuals. We all react differently to the same situation. Where one will be scarred for life by childhood abuse, another can be almost untouched by it. For many years I was ashamed that I was not scarred by the sexual abuse when I was 9, but I just wasn’t. I have always liked sex. As long as I can remember.

I too feel that whether a person is vanilla, or kinky, or homosexual or poly… all of them should be accepted and respected for their choices. Kinky people should not look down on vanilla and vice versa.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!

Rebel xox

By: jemima101

jemima101 — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 20:22:52 +0000

This question, how one person can be put of sex for life, whilst another goes onto have a very happy and fulfilling sex life fascinates me too. I have experiences in my childhood too, ones I now simply see as being part of the web that makes me, me. However even whilst my behavior was more affected by what happened to me, I had terrible abandonment issues anger and self medicated with a variety of fun substances, I always loved sex. I always experimented and I was always, even thought I did not know the word, submissive.

The conclusion I have reached is that I am just a sexual person, some people are not, they would, without negative experiences have enjoyed sex, but it would never have been that important to them. Part of my problem with some use of the word vanilla. (You don t do it here I may say) is that people seem to look down on those who do not wish to sexually explore. Its just another way of being, as normal as typing this before I head out to a greedy girls night.

This is one of the problems of the child abuse recovery industry, they want to say we all feel/ react the same, in fact every human is a unique individual.

By: Rebel

Rebel — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 20:15:03 +0000

I wonder if she will ever heal. She is still very bitter and goes from having a very intense relationship with a man (jumping in the sack on the first date and making it all about sex) to totally being opposed to all me – all in one week. She knows about my blog, but I don’t think she will ever read it.

Sorry to hear you had to go through such hard times!

Rebel xox

By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 16:00:38 +0000

I was in a horrible relationship, filled with verbal and physical abuse. I have a tic (twitch) now, esp if I feel nervous. Luckily, I realized it was just him not all men. He knew how submissive I am and used it and broke me for awhile. My heart breaks every time I hear about a woman who goes through any abuse. I hope she does move on and finds a man who will treat her like the queen she is. She is also very lucky to have you has a friend. I had none at the time. No one to talk to. It was a very unhealthy time. You never know you, your blog, might be what she needs. I hope she has healed a bit since you wrote this.

By: Rebel

Rebel — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 18:31:22 +0000

Your comment has sparked quite some ideas indeed and I hope that soon I might be able to put words to paper and share those ideas.
Thanks for your comment, Mia!
Rebel xox

By: Rebel

Rebel — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 18:28:00 +0000

Indeed, you are right. She has not let go. She is still hanging and almost clinging to the negativity of her past. Men are pigs, all men only want one thing… those are her favorite words. I hope that she will one day be able to work through all that has happened to her and truly find happiness.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
Rebel xox

By: Mistress Mia

Mistress Mia — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 22:31:24 +0000

What a very interesting post.

I agree with Mina, your friend has not yet been able to deal with the abuse she received or come to terms with it. Until she does sex will be a taboo area for her.

You are so right Rebel about the acceptance and non-judgemental attitude of the kinky community towards the vanilla and that it does not always happen vice versa – shame but it is the way it is – I believe it comes down to social acceptance, vanilla is socially acceptable to the majority, but those of us in the more minority of kink (or are we really in the minority?) are seen as not as socially acceptable.

Perception – now here an entire book could be written on the subject! What is perceived normal to one can be seen as totally abnormal to another with a completely different viewpoint and set of values, morals, upbringing etc etc.

There are so many facets to life and so many experiences that shape our lives. A full and complex tapestry which is forever changing and challenging us in so many ways.

I see many things in this post that provide interesting areas to ponder and consider.

~Mia~ xx

By: Mina Lamieux

Mina Lamieux — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 21:24:24 +0000

She hasn’t let go. She hasn’t sought out whatever help she needs to help move on from this horrible experience she had. She will never be able to embrace sex, until she starts working past her experiences. This is the ultimate experience. Most of us have all had terrible things happen to us in our past. I’ve had 2 abusive bf’s in my past. I’ve let that all go. She needs to find a way to do the same. It won’t be easy, but hopefully one day, she will.