Patience Training (9)

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It was way after midnight by the time we went upstairs. We were both tired and I expected the training to be easy. Something like the night before: that He would tie me up, leave me for 20 or 25 minutes and then untie me again so we could go to bed.

Once again I was proven wrong. Once again I realized that I should never think that I know what to expect of my training.

He was waiting for me. The look in His face was once again serious… something I am starting to recognize as his “Dom look”. I looked at the bed but did not see the rope. He watched me, apparently waiting for some kind of reaction. Then I saw the rope. It was tied to two of the handles of our wardrobe.

“Get on your knees, face the wardrobe,” He ordered.
I got on my knees, wondering how long I would be able to stay on my knees. He tied my wrists close to the handles on the wardrobe, ran the rope around my arms, around my body just below my breasts and then He tied it tightly behind my back. He softly stroked my hair, my back, my buttocks. His hands seemed to measure the roundness of my buttocks. He ran His hands around the outer edge of my buttocks, softly stroking, seemingly taking everything in.

I heard Him moving away from me. As He did, I tried to find a better position as being on my knees and my hands tied the way they were, somehow made my back ache. This position had more or less the same effect on me as when I have slowly strolled along for some hours – lower back pain.

The first blow of the flogger had me gasping for air. I don’t know how loud the gasp was, but instantly wondered whether someone else in the house might have heard it! The next blow landed opposite from the first one. Some more followed. By the time He stopped, I was panting, trying to pant the burning hurt away. I found myself thinking: Wait, please wait. No more. Dammit, come on. Flog me. Oh no, please don’t. Yes. Please do.

When the flogger touched my ass again, I only groaned. The next blow was harder and had me groaning and panting even more. After another blow where I wriggled to get away from the flogger, He stopped again. I was grateful for the stop, yet again, but found myself soon wanting more. God, I thought, I hate the flogger as much as I love it. Another hurtful touch of the flogger. And another. It hurt. My ass burned. It hurt enough to make me cry, but I did not. I held my tears inside.

Over and over He did this. Two or three stinging blows and then He stopped. Each time He stopped I had mixed feelings. Relief. Need. Not wanting it to continue. Wanting it to continue. Wanting to feel the pain. Not wanting to feel any pain. I craved it. I hated it. The blows became harder. I fought the tears… breathed… panted… pushed the tears and the hurt away with my thoughts. Some more blows. Tears in my eyes. Fighting the tears. Panting. Biting my lip not to cry. More blows. Wondering why I cannot just let go. Wanting Him to continue. Wanting Him to stop. Some more blows. I could not stop the crying anymore. More. Hurt.

It was the two final blows that sent me totally over the edge. The blows broke down all the walls and had me sobbing. It felt good. Where I was ashamed of my tears only moments before, I was not ashamed anymore. I just let go. Sobbed. It was as if He was waiting for this moment. The flogging stopped. He untied me. I collapsed to the floor, but He helped me up, turned me towards Him and held me. Just held me. And kissed me. And hugged me. And held me some more.

His hand moved to my crotch and found my wetness. He only touched it for a couple of seconds, made some approving sounds and then He sent me to bed. Getting into bed next to me, He pulled me closer and held me tight. Kissed me on top of my head, on my hair. Held me tighter. Held me close. Comforted me.

And yet again, He checked: this will be more or less the last time that I ask: this is what you want, right? You are sure that you want to continue along this road? Even though you know it will get more intense than it was tonight?
I nodded, but He was not satisfied until I said out loud: Yes.

Yes. This is what I want. Am I ready? Yes. No. Yes. I know that many times I will only know whether I am ready at the moment that I am in the situation and letting it happen. I was still confused about my mixed feelings during the flogging – the wanting it to stop, but at the same time wanting it to continue.

Yes, I am ready to continue on this road with Him, because I know He will always protect me.

To be continued: Patience Training (10)

© Rebel’s Notes