I lost track of OUR relationship. I was blinded by the relationships of others. I forgot that the way we live our lives is more important than the way others live their lives. I wanted what others wanted. I allowed myself to be blinded by what I read in blogs, by what I saw on twitter. I wanted it all. I totally forgot that my body was not okay. I wanted to be dominated by my Husband every evening. I did not ask him that, but my mood told him enough. My mood deteriorated. I became moody. I hated the tattoo on my leg. I wished I never had it. I saw it as a farce. I just totally lost track of everything.
Until it all came to a screeching halt… it had to, as I was on a collision course with myself.
I realized that I was being unreasonable. That I have forgotten that the rules that apply to our D/s relationship are our rules. That the way we live it, the way we give substance to it is what we want and not what others dictate it to be. I went through days of thoughts, days of highs and lows before I realized that I was so wrong in my thinking. I came to the conclusion that what we have is so special, that it was still there, but that I had to re-define it for myself. I realized that my negative feelings came from the fact that I missed what we had. We were in an interim period because of my healing period, and I missed feeling his physical dominance. I realized so many things, and before I could even mention them out loud to my Husband, He decided it was time to talk to me.
Once again, I was amazed at how easily him and I can be on the same page…
We have the perfect marriage, He said.
We have the perfect sexual relationship, He said.
Our D/s relationship complements what we already have, He said.
I could do nothing else than agree with everything He said.
He had me tattooed because He owns me. Because the tattoo should remind me always that He is my Owner. That I belong to Him. I have given myself to Him, I have committed myself to submitting to Him. Fully. The tattoo is a symbol of that. He promised me that if the tattoo is not enough to remind me of His ownership daily, then He will either have me tattooed again or He will have my labia pierced too.
In our talk we both agreed that there is no place in our life for a 24/7 D/s relationship. We might not even get to it every day, because of a gazillion reasons: kids, both with a fulltime job, worries about our moms who both are suffering from old age… but we will get to it. He said that I will have to be ready always. That whenever He gives me an order, I will have to obey. And I will. I will. Happily. Yes, please!!!
We are back! I am back! And I won’t be blinded by the things I read. I’m going back to the basics of our D/s relationship. It’s our relationship, lived according to our rules. No one could or should judge the way we live it, and I should not compare our relationship to that of others, because they live theirs according to their own set of rules.
We have the perfect marriage. We have the perfect sexual relationship and our D/s perfectly complements what we already have.
I am a happy subbie!
© Rebel’s Notes